"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right-doing, there is a field. I'll meet you there." – Rumi
Have you ever paused to ask yourself why certain people trigger you so deeply? Why do you label someone an "enemy," or why do you so often feel as if the world is divided into "us" and "them"? I have. For years, I wrestled with this, convinced that the problem always lay outside of me.
The "other"—whether a politician, a neighbour, or a loved one—was the issue. I would think, “If only they would change, if only they could see things my way, the conflict would disappear.” But the more I leaned into self-reflection, the more I realized that the external conflict mirrored an internal one.
The truth? You can’t separate your observations from your experiences. The world around me wasn’t just happening to me—it was reflecting what was happening inside of me.
"The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend." – Abraham Lincoln
Why Do We Create Enemies?
Labelling someone as an enemy often feels like a form of protection. It’s easier to point fingers than to sit with discomfort. I’ve learned that when I label someone as the "bad person," it’s often because they’re reflecting something I don’t want to see within myself.
I once had a neighbour who seemed impossible to get along with. Every interaction felt tense, and I convinced myself that they were rude, inconsiderate, and just “bad.” But one day, I paused to ask myself why their behaviour triggered me so much. What I realized was humbling: They were mirroring my own impatience and frustration. My inner world—overwhelmed and stressed—was being amplified by the dynamic between us.
In my Human Design, I have an open Solar Plexus. This means I don’t generate my own emotional energy; instead, I amplify the emotions of others. For years, I thought every wave of anger, frustration, or sadness I felt was my own. But now I know better.
When I’m around someone reactive or emotional, my open Solar Plexus mirrors their feelings back to them—and it can feel overwhelming. I’d label that person as "too much" or "the problem" without realizing I was amplifying their energy.
"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." – Carl Jung
Emotional Accountability: The Mirror Inside
One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is that everyone around me is just a reflection of what’s inside of me. When I perceive someone as an enemy, the question isn’t, “Why are they doing this to me?” but rather, “Why did I choose this experience? What am I meant to learn from this?”
Gene Key 22: From Dishonor to Grace
In my Gene Keys profile, Gene Key 22 has been one of my greatest teachers. This key speaks to the shadow of Dishonor, which arises when we avoid emotional accountability. When I’m reactive or blaming others, it’s often because I’m avoiding my own emotions.
The gift of Graciousness, however, asks me to meet every moment—every challenge—with an open heart. It doesn’t mean condoning harmful behaviour; it means responding with kindness, both to myself and others. Grace, the siddhi of Gene Key 22, is about transcending the stories we tell ourselves and embracing the present moment fully.
"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." – Lewis B. Smedes
Asking Better Questions
Reframing is a powerful tool for shifting our emotional experience. Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” I now ask:
- What part of me is being reflected back in this situation?
- How can I choose grace instead of reactivity?
- What is this experience teaching me about myself?
For example, I had a close friend who hurt me deeply with their words during an argument. My initial response was to withdraw and label them as thoughtless. But as I reflected, I realized their words had triggered an old wound—a fear of rejection. The conflict wasn’t just about them; it was about what I needed to heal within myself.
"The body keeps the score." – Bessel van der Kolk
The Physical Toll of Conflict
Conflict doesn’t just live in our minds or emotions—it takes residence in our bodies. For me, the weight of unresolved emotions often manifests in physical tension: tight shoulders, a knotted stomach, or a sense of heaviness in my chest.
Sound Healing and the Open Solar Plexus
As someone with an open Solar Plexus, I’ve learned to recognize when I’m holding onto emotions that don’t belong to me. Sound healing, particularly Acutonics, has been a transformative tool for clearing that energy.
Acutonics uses planetary tuning forks to balance energy centers. For the Solar Plexus, which often carries the brunt of conflict, I’ve found the frequencies of Venus and the Sun particularly helpful. Venus helps me reconnect to love and harmony, while the Sun reminds me to center myself in vitality and truth.
When I feel overwhelmed, I place these frequencies on specific acupuncture points and let the vibrations do their work. It’s a gentle yet powerful reminder that I don’t have to carry other people’s emotions as my own.
"The world we see is a reflection of the thoughts we think." – Marianne Williamson
The Mental Stories We Tell Ourselves
The mental narratives we create about conflict can trap us in cycles of blame and division. For years, my story was this: "If the other person would just change, everything would be fine."
But the more I explored Human Design and Gene Keys, the more I realized that these stories were rooted in fear. The fear of being wrong. The fear of not being enough. The fear of being vulnerable.
Gene Key 47: Transmuting Oppression
In my Gene Keys profile, Gene Key 47 explores the shadow of Oppression, which often manifests as mental heaviness. This shadow arises when we get stuck in stories of victimhood or blame.
The gift of Transmutation, however, teaches us to alchemize that heaviness into something lighter. Instead of asking, “Why are they doing this to me?” I now ask, “How can I see this situation differently? What needs to shift within me to create clarity?”
Mental Reframing in Practice
A recent work conflict gave me the perfect opportunity to practice reframing. A colleague’s criticism felt harsh and unwarranted, and my immediate thought was, “They’re out to get me.” But after sitting with the discomfort, I realized their feedback highlighted an area where I was doubting myself. The real issue wasn’t them; it was my fear of inadequacy.
"Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit." – Napoleon Hill
Reframing Conflict: From Blame to Compassion
Reframing has been one of the most transformative tools in my journey. It’s not about denying conflict or pretending everything is fine; it’s about choosing to see challenges as opportunities for growth.
Here are some reframes that have helped me:
- From Victimhood to Empowerment: Instead of “Why is this happening to me?” I ask, “Why did I choose this? What am I meant to learn?”
- From Judgment to Curiosity: Instead of “They’re wrong,” I ask, “What part of me feels triggered by this? What does this reveal about my own beliefs?”
- From Resistance to Acceptance: Instead of fighting against reality, I ask, “How can I meet this moment with grace?”
Acutonics, Gene Keys, and Human Design: Tools for Integration
The journey of self-reflection isn’t easy, but these tools have been invaluable in helping me navigate conflict:
for Emotional and Physical Balance
- Venus Frequency: Helps me harmonize emotions and return to a state of love.
- Sun Frequency: Restores vitality and reminds me to centre myself in my own truth.
Gene Keys for Inner Understanding
- Gene Key 22: Teaches me to respond to challenges with graciousness.
- Gene Key 47: Guides me to transmute mental heaviness into clarity and lightness.
Human Design for Emotional Clarity
- Open Solar Plexus: Reminds me to discern which emotions are mine and which belong to others.
"Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?" – Abraham Lincoln
Who Is the "Bad Person"? A New Perspective
In the end, I’ve realized that the "bad person" isn’t out there—it’s a story I create when I’m disconnected from myself. Conflict arises when I project my fears, wounds, or unmet needs onto someone else.
Through tools like Human Design, Gene Keys, and Acutonics, I’ve learned to meet these moments with curiosity instead of judgment. I’ve stopped asking, “Who is to blame?” and started asking, “What am I meant to learn from this experience?”
"Man is not, by nature, deserving of all that he wants. When we think that we are automatically entitled to something, that is when we start walking all over others to get it." – Criss Jami
Embracing the Mirror
Everyone around us is a reflection of something within us. The people who challenge us the most often have the most to teach us—if we’re willing to look inward.
The next time you find yourself in conflict, I invite you to pause and reflect:
- Why did I choose this experience?
- What is it teaching me about myself?
- How can I grow from it?
By reframing conflict, exploring Gene Keys' wisdom, and understanding the dynamics of an open Solar Plexus through Human Design, we can navigate life with more compassion, awareness, and grace.
"Stress is not what happens to us. It’s our response to what happens. And the response is something we can choose." – Maureen Killoran
If you are interested in exploring more about your Gene Keys, Human Design or having an Acutonics Session - I would love to guide you on the journey to self-discovery and healing your body & relationships.
With Love
The Reflections of a Splenic Projector - Radiance Gene Key 22 & 47 Purpose